you lied. pity sex is amazing.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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