and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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