She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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