I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
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