"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
