If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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