As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
