remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
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