I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize
