just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
