this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
