Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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