i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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