somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
