is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
