New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Randomize
