two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
