I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
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