sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Randomize
