dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Randomize
