is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
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