I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
