On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
