i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
