You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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