everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
