You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Randomize
