i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
they need to just BURY HIM!
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
