I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
