my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
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