Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
