i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
