just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
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