bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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