i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
