my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Randomize
