The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
