One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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