she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
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