I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
