You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
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