Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
