I need to stop coming to work sober
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
