A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
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