I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I want to be your penis for a week.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Randomize
