she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Let's paint friendship bongs
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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