i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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