I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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