Grow some girl-balls and come out already
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Girls should come with a carfax report
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Randomize
