We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
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