there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
You are the jesus of drinking
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
It's shark week go big or go home
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Randomize
