he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Randomize
