Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
