So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
