ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
